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Love And Marriage

Sweetie, euhm, can I … mmmm … can I talk about marriage? Am I allowed?


Marriage (Photo credit: Lel4nd)

What is marriage? Marriage is what people decide for when they feel that they are made for each other and they want to spend eternity together. Admitting that many others can’t live to that promise, but being sure that for you it’s different. Is it different? That will only rely on yourself and your ‘the one.’

The best situation to keep a promise like that is by being the same. Thinking the same, liking the same things, hating the same people, but how often are people ‘the same?’ Indeed, not often at all. In such cases it’s important that both parties know that, that both are open to the desires of the other and that you also expect the same with out having to worry about what to say.

A marriage is in the best case something that evolves out of love and trust. Trust is important. They chose for you; that means that whatever happened in the past, they didn’t choose that. Think about that before you start wondering why the other wants to know how someone is doing.

Book illustration, pen drawing

In the hunting and dating stage, people want to look good … amazing! Once that boils down to a marriage, it seems not so important anymore. You don’t have to impress anyone, you ‘won’ already. But I don’t get that way of thinking. To me, that looks like tricking someone into it. Wouldn’t it be better the other way around? Being your normal, natural, pretty self in the first stage. That way, you will find someone who’s blinded by your personality rather than your make-up. Once they say ‘I DO,’ you switch from pretty to ‘waauw!’ Jackpot instead of a ‘plastic medal cause you arrived.’

Further in the marriage, support is necessary. The butterflies leave, which is normal, but the love should stay. How? By giving freedom, trust and support. Even if that would mean that it’s not the best for the togetherness, if it makes the other happy, it should make you happy and proud too.

As what I’ve said to others before, and I feel that this is a good idea for many people, “Ok, no problem” with a smily face is a good answer. Not all proposals need questions like “Why?” or “Is that something you would really want?” because that’s more than just words.

Is it ok if I have a drink with the colleagues later?
– Ok, no problem. 🙂 Enjoy!

Sounds easy, right? Well, it is easy. Start today!


So … No babies yet?

When you’re married, you get the question a lot. “So, no babies yet?” No sir, and I don’t mind. Sure I want to be a dad, and no I don’t want to start too late, but I also don’t want to start too soon. First, I need to be sure if I’m ready to be a dad. Do I have a plan on how to raise them? People say that this will just come automatically, but unfortunately, I’ve seen too many examples of people where, apparently, it didn’t come that easy.

What do I expect of being a dad and what will I expect of my children?Two questions which are answered by many, but in my eyes, not answered ‘well’ by many.

As a parent, you should have children because you want to give the gift of life to new human beings, raised with your values and hoping they will absorb these values. Having children is not a business or an insurance. You don’t have them to make profit or secure your old day. You have them as a project, to see them grow up as good people, starting their own life and then, letting them go as a butterfly out of it’s cocoon.

When I become a dad, I take a lifetime of responsibilities on me. Surely, I hope that with time, that responsibility will get smaller to unnecessary, but in case there is something, even when they’re 50 years old, you’re still responsible as a dad  (or parent in general) and you should be there for them.

Embarrassing parents - swan duckling

Embarrassing parents – swan duckling (Photo credit: @Doug88888)

Another part of my plan is this: no matter how old I get, I want to stay young and fit. I want them not to be ashamed of me. I kinda feel that such a moment will come eventually, but I hope not too early and not too long. Being young and fit (of mind and body), I want to dig holes in the sand, play football on the grass, help them with physical training if they are into sports, support them in singing, dancing and instruments if that’s what they want, be there to answer any life questions for my boys and girls, give them rules and freedom, …

Do I have a plan?
– Yes I do.
Then what’s the issue?
– In 20 years, I don’t want to forget how I feel about this now. How do I know I won’t?